The topic of love has been pretty popular these days. Winter holiday is now over and so are many many relationships. It seems this happens every year. Could it be that the cultural “New Years Resolution” has primed us to think that winter is when you drop your old partners- or I mean, habits – because you’ll make some half-assed promise to yourself that you will be different in the upcoming new year? Could these breakups be over-reactions to Seasonal Affective Disorder? Or maybe its something else entirely?
Either way, I feel like I’ve gained enough years as a witness to this phenomenon to wise up and reflect on just what it means to be in a relationship. And if I should really be in one…
Maybe I’ve been a bad picker (many of my friends would argue that). Maybe I’ve just been too nice (arguments there too). Maybe I’ve just had some bad experiences that caused me to re-evaluate whether I can forgive or not (i.e. the whole cheating thing)
But really the honest to the universe truth is that I had no friggin clue what love was and what it means to be in a relationship. I thought you were supposed to be with someone because they made you feel good. But after tireless attempts to attach myself to that feeling I came to realize I’m no more capable of staying the same than anyone else is. And with personal change comes changes in attention, behavior patterns, and needs. Basing my relationships off of my needs of today was the most foolish thing I could have done. And thankfully I am learning.
Love. Hmmm… I marinate on it and try to think of other things I love. I love listening to nature, I love making people feel good, I love learning, I love having fun, I love a lot really. And yes, all of these things that I love make me feel good. But the difference is that I don’t attach myself to these things. I witness them and appreciate them and let them go, realizing that those little moments were precious gifts to be cherished and not sequestered.
BOOM. And then it hits me. Letting go is the only way to love. Attaching myself to unrealistic needs, wants and views on relationships has given me (and others) more pain than we deserve. And so I took Joe’s advice, I stopped to find out what is wrong, aimed to get it right, so that some day I don’t have to leave love alone – in the relationship sense.
Someday I will love again. And I will be the best lover ever. My purpose in my future partners’ life will be to bear witness to their journey, be their best friend, raise them up and encourage them to be the best person they want to be. And like the stream that trickles so beautifully outside of my cottage home, my reward for loving so openly will be the good feeling I get to simply experience it’s journey- and let it go on uninterrupted.