Saving Love

The topic of love has been pretty popular these days. Winter holiday is now over and so are many many relationships. It seems this happens every year. Could it be that the cultural “New Years Resolution” has primed us to think that winter is when you drop your old partners- or I mean, habits – because you’ll make some half-assed promise to yourself that you will be different in the upcoming new year? Could these breakups be over-reactions to Seasonal Affective Disorder? Or maybe its something else entirely?

Either way, I feel like I’ve gained enough years as a witness to this phenomenon to wise up and reflect on just what it means to be in a relationship. And if I should really be in one…

Maybe I’ve been a bad picker (many of my friends would argue that). Maybe I’ve just been too nice (arguments there too). Maybe I’ve just had some bad experiences that caused me to re-evaluate whether I can forgive or not (i.e. the whole cheating thing)

But really the honest to the universe truth is that I had no friggin clue what love was and what it means to be in a relationship. I thought you were supposed to be with someone because they made you feel good. But after tireless attempts to attach myself to that feeling I came to realize I’m no more capable of staying the same than anyone else is. And with personal change comes changes in attention, behavior patterns, and needs. Basing my relationships off of my needs of today was the most foolish thing I could have done. And thankfully I am learning.

Love. Hmmm… I marinate on it and try to think of other things I love. I love listening to nature, I love making people feel good, I love learning, I love having fun, I love a lot really. And yes, all of these things that I love make me feel good. But the difference is that I don’t attach myself to these things. I witness them and appreciate them and let them go, realizing that those little moments were precious gifts to be cherished and not sequestered.

BOOM. And then it hits me. Letting go is the only way to love. Attaching myself to unrealistic needs, wants and views on relationships has given me (and others) more pain than we deserve. And so I took Joe’s advice, I stopped to find out what is wrong, aimed to get it right, so that some day I don’t have to leave love alone – in the relationship sense.

Someday I will love again. And I will be the best lover ever. My purpose in my future partners’ life will be to bear witness to their journey, be their best friend, raise them up and encourage them to be the best person they want to be. And like the stream that trickles so beautifully outside of my cottage home, my reward for loving so openly will be the good feeling I get to simply experience it’s journey- and let it go on uninterrupted.

2 responses to “Saving Love

  1. Casey, that’s beautiful. I’ve been reflecting on love a great deal lately myself, having just went through a break up where I believed our happiness was the most important element and other aspects that may not be perfect be damned. My lover didn’t agree. I’m still musing over what it all means and I’ve had 13 years in total of various long term relationships. That’s almost the entirety of my adult life. I think it’s time to be single and muse some more!

    Kahlil Gibran said that overused but ever accurate quote, “if you love something let it go.” He’s a man who knows about love. “Love possesses not nor would it be possessed; For love is sufficient unto love. And think not you can direct the course of love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course. Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself. But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires: To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night. To know the pain of too much tenderness. To be wounded by your own understanding of love; And to bleed willingly and joyfully.”

    Keep empowering yourself with your understanding that when you find love again you will be a better lover. The next time around is always better as long as you’re self aware, which you truly are.

    Thanks for sharing this, it’s hard to open up about love at times and even more so it’s hard to open up to love.

    My favorite quote on love is from Tom Robbins. It’s the one I need to live by in order to be happy:
    “Love is the ultimate outlaw. It just won’t adhere to any rules. The most any of us can do is to sign on as its accomplice. Instead of vowing to honor and obey, maybe we should swear to aid and abet. That would mean that security is out of the question. The words “make” and “stay” become inappropriate. My love for you has no strings attached. I love you for free.”

  2. Jenny, you ALWAYS deliver such articulate, thoughtful and honest responses. I really like the quotes you provided, especially your favorite one from Tom Robbins. I’ve been in many long term relationships as well. And feel it is time to muse about as well :) Here’s to being single, being aware, being good and being love! Lots of love honey!

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